


the art of autumnal things

by violetholdsme



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Autumn, Domestic Fluff, I LOVE WONKI, Idiots in Love, M/M, Neighbors, Thunderstorms, lots of autumn references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:01:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29244747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetholdsme/pseuds/violetholdsme
Summary: Sometimes when Shinwon thinks of autumn, he thinks of Hyunggu. His next-door neighbor, someone with whom he shared nothing but a hallway, most of the time. They only ever meet in the autumn, where everything else falls away except what’s at their core. They’re both there, but not quite. Shinwon wonders a lot if it’s all they’ll ever be—if it’s all they’ll ever want.
Relationships: Kang Hyunggu | Kino/Ko Shinwon
Comments: 10
Kudos: 33





	the art of autumnal things

**Author's Note:**

> i got carried away and wrote 5k words of whatever this is all because of a scented candle. enjoy

It’s a few minutes to noon when Shinwon hears the noise.

It’s a loud, _insistent_ knocking on the door of the apartment next to his own. It’s still soft enough to be polite, but it’s been going on for what feels like ages and maybe Shinwon should just get up off his couch and tell the delivery guy to fuck off一

Okay, well, _no_. He wasn’t going to tell the delivery guy or whoever else it was to _fuck off_ 一he’s better than that. (He tells himself.) But what he _does_ know is that his next-door neighbor had gone out earlier in the day, and Shinwon doesn’t know when he’ll be back, and he just wants to get back to watching cooking shows and flipping through the channels on his TV in peace. It was Saturday, for god’s sake.

Shinwon is desperately trying not to _lose it_ as the knocking next door only seems to persist. Despite the protests in his muscles telling him to just stay where he is, he stands up from the couch with a long sigh and noncommittal groan that dies in his throat, just shuffling towards his front door in hopes of getting the noise to finally stop. _Someone_ had to. He would be the unsung hero of their apartment floor, just this once. After that he’d get some peace and quiet, surely.

“Hello,” Shinwon starts, just poking his head out of the door enough to see who had been causing the ungodly noise. It was, in fact, a delivery guy一 _Jinho,_ according to his nametag一with a box on the floor that looked much too big for him to have carried all the way up here, even with the elevator. Shinwon darted his eyes back and forth, before remembering the reason he was up and about anyway. “Uh… he’s not home right now. Sorry.”

The delivery guy looked dejected for a moment, putting his hands on his waist and sighing in defeat. “You mean I carried this huge box up for nothing?”

Shinwon was a little bit intimidated by his intensity; he didn’t know if this guy looked more cute or angry or if he really just pouted when he was annoyed. It was understandable, though, because he _did_ carry a box that was probably half his size all the way up to someone’s apartment only to find out that it wasn’t happening today, and Shinwon couldn’t help but feel a little bad.

“Well…” Shinwon cleared his throat, opening his door a little wider. “If it’s for Hyunggu, you can leave it with me. I know him.”

Jinho looked a little wary, and Shinwon knew he was probably weighing the options in his head, wondering if trusting _the neighbor_ or having to carry the box back down and then back up here again tomorrow was the heavier death sentence. After a few moments and awkward beats of silence, Jinho just hands him a pen and clipboard and tells him to sign, and Shinwon obliges.

“Thank you, Jinho-ssi,” Shinwon smiles as he hands the clipboard back, eyeing the huge box on the floor.

“Thanks, too.” Jinho actually smiles at him, tilting his head a little at Shinwon and following his gaze to the wretched package on the floor. “That thing is _not_ light. If I ever have to come back here again, maybe let me know what the hell was inside.”

Shinwon laughed a light little laugh when Jinho did, opening his door fully before speaking up again. “Alright, I’ll try. Have a good day.”

“You, too.” Jinho turned away with a smile on his face, and seconds later he had turned the corner and was gone. The ding of the elevator was what snapped Shinwon out of his daze, bringing him to the huge box on the floor that he had to now take responsibility for, somehow.

It took a good 10 minutes to shove the box past the front door, before he was back in his apartment and panting for dear life on his couch. 

Goddamn, the package was fucking _heavy_.

* * *

It’s a few hours a later that Shinwon steps out of the shower and sees that fucking _box_ again. In truth, he’s been aching to let his curiosity get the better of him, but he knows better. He’ll ask his neighbor himself when he gets the chance, and he’ll probably nod in acceptance if Hyunggu tells him it’s full of cinderblocks for some reason. And now Shinwon’s thinking about if he would actually put that past him. Maybe. More likely not. He tries to shake it off because he doesn’t really know.

He sits back down on his couch again, the TV still on because he didn’t bother turning it off before he stepped into the shower. He feels a little lazy because of it and a little disgusting because he left his plates from lunch in the sink and doesn’t want to do them quite yet, but at least he took a fucking shower. _Small victories,_ he tells himself. Small victories.

It’s a couple of weeks into autumn as of the moment, and the weather outside is the kind that makes Shinwon relax a little bit more than usual. Call him weird for it, but he isn’t one of those people that adores sunlight like Changgu who sits beside him at work. The sky is cloudy and almost dark enough to seem like it’s about to rain, but not quite yet because some sun can still peek through. It gets Shinwon into a good mood most days, whenever the sky is calm like this, and he can see the warm colors of dried leaves through the glass door leading to his miniscule balcony. It’s much easier on the eyes. The sun always gives him headaches.

He lets himself smile at the thought, just a little proud that this has been one of his better days as of late. He’s aware that he’s been a bit cranky, that a lot more hurried thoughts had crossed his mind than was healthy. Thoughts like thinking about telling Jinho to _fuck off,_ earlier, although he didn’t. He’s focusing on the fact that he _didn’t_.

In fact, he made Jinho smile一a genuine, full-blown smile and not some half-baked, polite grin as a courtesy. Shinwon reassures himself that, really, he isn’t a bad person. And he doesn’t always have to try so hard. _Small victories._

He’s flipping through channels again, now, having gotten comfortable on the couch by this point. There’s really nothing interesting on, but he’s getting relaxed enough by his motions on the remote alone. It gives him something to do. He almost forgets about the box in the corner by his door, until he hears shuffling outside and suddenly it’s all back at the forefront of his mind.

Hyunggu was home.

* * *

This was just another thing Shinwon had to get done. _One more victory for the day, Shinwon, you can do that. Can’t you?_

Shinwon wonders if the expression on his face right now looked similar to Jinho’s earlier in the day, when he was deciding if leaving the package with Shinwon was a good idea. Now Shinwon had the same scales in his head weighing his options: _stay here on his comfortable couch in this comfortable position and leave the goddamn box until Hyunggu actually comes looking,_ versus _get his ass up and try his best to kick-push the package to Hyunggu’s door like a decent person._

Much like Jinho’s dilemma, Shinwon knew there was a glaringly obvious, correct choice. He’s going to choose that one, yeah, _definitely_ 一but the position he’s currently lying in is too comfortable for him to not at least _hesitate_ , but still. He’s going to get up. He is. He does.

There _is_ a slight exasperated sigh that escapes his lips as he does it, but that’s fine. _Small roadblock._ A few breaths in, a few out.

He steps past the box first, opting instead to go and fetch Hyunggu so they could help each other move it to the neighboring apartment. Hyunggu wouldn’t mind. Shinwon knew that.

“Hey, Shinwonie,” is what he gets when Hyunggu answers the door, not even 10 seconds from Shinwon’s first knock. The moment Shinwon lays eyes on him, he can’t even remember the mock-debate he was having in his head, earlier. Moving that goddamn box seemed so, utterly worth it now that he remembered who it was for. Shinwon’s shoulders felt less heavy, and the weight of the cursed box was getting lighter in his mind the more that he stared.

“Just got home, Hyunggu?”

“Yeah, I went out for brunch with some friends. You?”

“Stayed home, as you can see.” Shinwon gestures to himself, at the pajamas he had slipped into after his shower at midday, and it’s different from his usual self-deprecating jabs. It’s nothing of that sort, just some amusing anecdote, the way it always is when he talks with Hyunggu. It feels nice. It feels good to _feel good_ , for once. If that made sense. None of it really makes sense.

“Do you wanna come inside, or…?”

“No, uh, I一 actually,” Shinwon cleared his throat, “something came for you today, a package, and I received it since you weren’t home.”

“Oh. Um… _what_ is it?”

Shinwon raises his eyebrow in mock suspicion. “Dunno. It’s big, and fucking _heavy_ , and I could actually use some help, uh, getting it out of my apartment and into yours, so… uh.”

Hyunggu laughs at that, but Shinwon doesn’t feel like he’s _laughing at him_ and it makes him a little bubbly in the chest. Hyunggu just pushes past him enthusiastically, walking the two, three steps to the door beside his own, prancing into Shinwon’s apartment while the taller man followed. Shinwon was happy to let him.

“Oh, I think I know what this is,” Hyunggu says, intrigued as he regarded the size of the box and read the sender label. Right, it had a _label_. Shinwon should’ve thought of that, maybe he’d have gotten some clue as to what sort of _industrial_ materials Hyunggu had in that box. Well, he’d know soon enough.

“Shinwonie, hold your door open? I’ll push this across the floor into my place.”

“Oh, no, let me do that一”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Hyunggu waved him off, a determined expression on his face before he spoke a little more timidly. “You said you had some… back? issues, that one time, it’s fine, let me do it…”

Shinwon looked down at the floor upon hearing those words, both a little embarrassed and a little flattered that Hyunggu remembered that detail, a small thing they’d shared in passing. Shinwon doesn’t even remember _where_ they did; it was probably right here, right in these hallways on an evening in which they caught the same elevator going up. Nothing special or significant, but apparently enough to take up what little space it could in Hyunggu’s memory. And it’s enough for Shinwon to give in to the younger man’s simple request. 

When Hyunggu pushes the box past Shinwon’s doorway, Shinwon quickly moves to hold Hyunggu’s door open next. Hyunggu has the whole thing right where it should be within a matter of seconds, and he invites Shinwon in just as he’s about to bid him a good day.

“Hey,” Hyunggu says, calling out to Shinwon where he still stood in the doorway. “Help me open this and let’s see if I was right about what it is.”

Shinwon doesn’t resist the invitation, doesn’t want to. He just walks in and lets his curiosity win him over this time, watching awkwardly as Hyunggu goes to get what he assumes is a pair of scissors or a box cutter or even possibly some knife to break through the layers of packaging tape. Hyunggu does come back with a box cutter in hand and excitedly runs it down the tape holding the box’s seams together, smiling brightly when he takes a look inside.

“I was right!”

Shinwon takes a look as Hyunggu takes the items out one by one. It wasn’t really clear to Shinwon what they were, not while they were all still clad in bubble wrap, but there’s _a lot_ of whatever it is. Somewhere between 15 and 25 but definitely closer to 25, and he has half a mind to ask.

“And these are…?”

Hyunggu laughs a bit, like he can’t believe what he’s about to say next. “Scented candles.”

It kind of hits Shinwon like a truck. Well, he’s shocked一but not really, like, _surprised_ 一he wouldn’t put _this_ past Hyunggu for sure. So maybe it hits Shinwon like a truck but softly, and it’s just so nonsensical and stupid because _how does a truck hit you softly, anyway?_ And before Shinwon even knows what’s happening, he’s bursting into laughter and then Hyunggu is, too.

It sounds beautiful, like falling leaves in autumn.

“I’m really sorry for the trouble, Shinwon,” Hyunggu says, struggling to coax himself out of their shared laughing fit. “I really didn’t expect that it would arrive today.”

“It’s no trouble,” Shinwon replies, still laughing, not really caring much about making himself stop. “Well, at least not for me. You’re gonna have to apologize to the delivery guy.”

“Let me know if he comes by, then.” Hyunggu smiles, the corners of his lips parting in that cute way that Shinwon absolutely adores. Shinwon’s heart pounds in his chest.

 _Small victories._ Bigger and bigger throughout the day, it seems, growing like Hyunggu’s smile. Shinwon thinks maybe it’s enough to keep him happy for weeks to come.

* * *

Shinwon is back in his apartment, sighing into the couch throw pillow.

Hyunggu had actually asked him to stay and help him open the candles and sniff them or something, but Shinwon suddenly remembered right then and there that he had other plans for the day.

And _no_ 一he doesn’t mean the watching of cooking shows or flipping through channels or the ramyeon he was planning on cooking up for dinner. He had plans with another _person_ , to get out of his apartment and _do stuff_ , and he feels a bit bad for forgetting, now. They’d planned it for weeks, and even though she wouldn’t really mind that much if he cancelled, he actually _was_ looking forward to it. Really.

His sister was going to be in Seoul for the next week and a half, and they were supposed to see a movie and go to McDonald’s and do some shopping together. He texted and asked if they could go in the evening instead, which got him a _fine, whatever_ and an eyeroll emoji, but at least he had some time to prepare. He really wasn’t in the right mindset for going out today, but the weather was good for him. So he would at least try.

Shinwon tries hard not to think about the fact that he kind of wanted to be in Hyunggu’s apartment right now, taking bubble wrap off of scented candles that Hyunggu told Shinwon he had a friend send over to him from the States. Hyunggu didn’t need to explain himself, but he did anyway, saying he just _loves_ autumn scents and they were in season and _candles don’t expire anyway, so I thought, why not?_ Shinwon finds it more than a little endearing.

Shinwon loves autumn, too. He was thrilled when his sister said she’d come to the city when she would; he has vague but fond memories of them playing around and jumping in piles of dried leaves as children, walking together in their padded coats as they heard the rough sound of crunching under their feet. 

Sometimes when Shinwon thinks of autumn, he thinks of Hyunggu. His next-door neighbor, someone with whom he shared nothing but a hallway, most of the time. Autumn was the hallway between a burning summer and freezing winter, a place where things were both old and new. It’s exactly how Shinwon felt about Hyunggu. It’s not an ugly feeling, but it’s not always pretty, either.

Whenever Shinwon got to talk to Hyunggu, it would always be a little freeing. But that was because Hyunggu didn’t _know_ him一not really. They always got to talk to each other in their building’s lobby, the elevators, the hallways. Those places that were liminal, _transitional_ like autumn was, where they could both say they were _home,_ but not quite. Not until they both walk into their separate apartments. When they’re together, Shinwon is still Shinwon and Hyunggu is still Hyunggu, but _not quite._ Because whenever they’re together, neither of them are _home_.

They only ever meet in the autumn, where everything else falls away except what’s at their core. They’re both there, but not quite. Shinwon wonders a lot if it’s all they’ll ever be. If it’s all they’ll ever want.

Shinwon tries to let it go, for now. The sky was darkening rapidly and it was only 6:30 in the evening, and he needed to get dressed to go and meet his sister. And possibly plan for a contingency if it rained, which definitely looked like it would. Neither he nor his sister had a car, and she definitely wouldn’t bring an umbrella from what he’s learned over the years, possibly not even a coat. Maybe if he borrows一

Shinwon jumps, then, at the beat of deafening thunder that interrupted his thoughts, ripping through his body in shock he had _never_ experienced before, and then _fuck_ 一it was raining. Pouring, more like. Shinwon normally liked the rain, but it dampened the warm hues of the season he quite enjoyed, and it didn’t seem like it would let up soon. Not for minutes, not even hours. Not soon enough that he would still ask his sister一or anyone, really一to still go out in this weather. It’s when he buries his head into his pillow that he receives the text, his sister having the same idea.

 _ **noona :** apparently there’s a thunderstorm tonight. let’s just go out tomorrow or some other time. i’m here for more than a week anyway. _ _[6:37 PM]_

Shinwon can’t help but let out a long sigh, sinking further into the dip he’d made in his couch and turning his head to peek at the TV from under the pillow. The day had spread him so fucking thin, and the rain was only tempting him to fully sulk and just fall asleep in a heap on his couch right now and wake up at 2 in the morning or some shit. He felt so small, like this. Miserable. _Tired_. The little things from earlier in the day were nice, but Shinwon just closes his eyes and knows they’re nowhere near enough. He lets himself drift off into dreamless sleep as the TV droned on and the rain only persisted, with lighting and thunder fighting with constancy.

* * *

When Shinwon wakes up, he checks his phone. It’s 8 PM, not 2 in the morning. And he’s _cold_ 一shivering without a blanket on top of him. Moments after that, he realizes that it’s dark, and the TV was off, and the storm outside was raging harder than it was when he fell asleep. Shinwon stumbles in the dark with only the light from his phone, registering that the power in their shitty apartment building had gone out, walking to his bedroom to fetch a blanket and realizing he’s a little scared.

Okay, no. He’s _really_ scared. Scared out of his mind. 

It’s not because of the dark. Shinwon knows, as he finds his comforter and wraps it over his shoulders, that what frightens him more is the cold. Shudders leaving his body out of pure instinct. Reminders that he, alone, wasn’t enough to keep him warm. That not even autumn could. No matter how desperately he wanted it to.

He doesn’t quite know what he’s doing when he walks out of his apartment to stand in the dark hallway in front of Hyunggu’s door. Shinwon knocks thrice, so soft that he wonders if he actually wants Hyunggu to hear it over the rain, and he’s about to walk away. But he realizes he’s still scared, that his eyes have adjusted to the dark much faster than his skin could adjust to the chill of the air.

Shinwon turns the knob and the door is open, so he walks inside without looking back.

Hyunggu’s apartment is like a different world altogether. There was dim candlelight everywhere that Shinwon looked, and that meant _everywhere_. It seems like Hyunggu had lit a candle for every nook of the space, the orange flames on each of their three wicks burning bright circles of light into the ceiling from their glass jars. It’s warm on the eyes and somehow also on the skin, settling on Shinwon like a welcome weight, and it reminds him of earlier in the day when he had carried the weight of them so differently.

Shinwon takes a deep breath and feels almost dizzy from the scents of autumn that fill his lungs, the pungent vanilla and ginger and cinnamon getting him so lost in his own head that it almost hurt. It’s a medley of falling leaves, pumpkin spice, the sharp, cutting spice of rum—just everything that reminds Shinwon of the season that this thunderstorm is intent on making him forget—and he feels like he’s being lulled into wonderland, a foreign place that’s still somehow safer than home. Only one thing could make it any more perfect.

“ _What the hell?_ ”

Speak of the devil.

Shinwon turns his head sharply at the sound, taking the sight of a startled Hyunggu in dim candlelight. He can’t help but smile, only a little soft underneath all the pounding of the rain outside. He looks different in this light.

“It’s just me, Hyunggu.”

“Yeah,” Hyunggu shoots him a smile back, walking further towards where Shinwon’s standing in front of the door. “Got scared of the storm, Shinwonie?”

Shinwon puffs his cheeks at the accusation, noting the way Hyunggu has a comforter pulled over his shoulders, mirroring his own. “Only as much as you are.”

“I’m _not_ scared,” Hyunggu huffs shallowly, moving closer, step by step. “Wanna stay here?”

“You lit all your candles.”

Shinwon utters it without thinking, needing to say it even though he knows it’s not an answer to Hyunggu’s question at all. His neighbor looks like a mixture of proud and bashful, darting his eyes around each and every little lantern of light.

“Seemed like a nice night to break them in.”

“You don’t think the power’s coming back anytime soon?”

“No,” Hyunggu says, finally close enough to Shinwon to reach out and touch the side of his arm with cold fingertips. He’s gentle, tentative, the timidity of his actions betraying every ounce of boldness in his words. “So stay here.”

“What do you propose we do?”

“Weather the storm together,” Hyunggu replies, looking up at him. “I have movies on my laptop, if you want.”

Shinwon hesitates for a moment. Something tells him that this isn’t right, that he shouldn't be invited into Hyunggu’s enchanting world even though he’s already inside his space. That he shouldn’t stay in place with Hyunggu because they’ve only known each other as fleeting and then gone. No one is supposed to stay in autumn, after all; it’s beautiful for a second and then it’s gone, and the harsher, more assertive seasons come by in its wake to take its place. There’s simply too little room for those things一that which falls away the very moment it blinks into existence.

But the storm outside is raging as hard as Shinwon knew rain to have ever poured. There isn’t any trace of autumn where it should be in the first place, no warm hues outside to slowly hush the coldness of the atmosphere. Shinwon can only know when he looks at Hyunggu, takes in the scents and feels the warmth from the color of candle fire, that autumn could only live on if it was right here, with the two of them.

“I’d like that, Hyunggu.” Shinwon takes the other man’s hand, letting warmth fill him all over from underneath his skin. “Lead the way.”

* * *

“You want some coffee, Shinwonie?”

Shinwon can almost taste the scent of maple as if it rolls off Hyunggu’s lips when he asks his question in the dark. Minutes had passed since Shinwon even entered, moments that felt more like hours though they’ve only grazed a small fraction of the progress bar of the paused film on Hyunggu’s laptop.

“There’s no power, you know.”

“I had a kettle boiling earlier. Probably still hot.”

“Coffee, at this time of night?” Shinwon scoffs. “Don’t you have hot chocolate, or something?”

The look on Hyunggu’s face is incredulous, lit up for a second by a strike of flashing lightning. 

“Not content with lukewarm, instant coffee, hm? Want me to heat you up some red wine, while I’m at it?”

Shinwon laughs and pulls Hyunggu closer, sighing into the chilly air.

It’s much easier to pretend that the air isn’t freezing when Shinwon’s sitting right where he is, right where the two of them had ended up. His body feels stiff and empty and his back aches from the icy wind, but he’s sharing the cold with someone else. Hyunggu was leaning into his side, both of them underneath Hyunggu’s comforter while Shinwon’s lay forgotten in a pile on the floor somewhere neither of them could see or remember. Shinwon doesn’t remember why they paused the movie in the first place, but he’s content to be as close as he is to the one beside him一Kang Hyunggu, or _some version_ of him. The one that existed here with Shinwon during a power outage, getting Shinwon slightly dizzy with his dozens of scented candles, their only sources of light and warmth, their only hope of keeping autumn alive as the thunderstorm outside threatened to destroy it.

“I like it here, with you,” Hyunggu blurts out all of a sudden, looking up into Shinwon’s eyes, and Shinwon can see dots of orange light reflected back in his glassy pupils. “I wish you’d stayed more often. I like it when you stay.”

Shinwon knows there’s an entire expanse of ocean that could encompass all the things Hyunggu could mean by that one statement. He just doesn’t quite know where to start looking.

“I like it when you stay, too.”

It could be the moments when the two of them linger in the hallways for longer than necessary, neither one of them brave enough to invite the other in. Maybe it was those times when Hyunggu hosted friends or colleagues in his apartment and invited Shinwon in to have some food or a drink, even if he was in his pajamas. Shinwon mostly refused. When he accepted, it was just to be polite, and he didn’t talk to anyone and always left after one drink.

Maybe Hyunggu notices Shinwon shuffling outside his door sometimes, minutes at a time without ever actually knocking. Shinwon kind of wishes he does. Because _he_ notices when Hyunggu does the same thing.

“You know, Hongseok-hyung wasn’t actually supposed to deliver the candles until, like, next month. And they weren’t supposed to arrive _here_.”

Shinwon furrows his brow. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I’ve been thinking,” Hyunggu starts, looking down at the floor. “Maybe it’s time for me to go and live somewhere where the power doesn’t go out every time there’s a storm.”

Shinwon wonders if the thunder is real or if it’s all in his head.

“You’re… you’re moving out?”

“Yeah…” Hyunggu says, still unable to look at him. “Yeah. I guess I am.”

A tear rolls down Shinwon’s cheek. He doesn’t know since when he’s been willing it to stay, but it finally made its way down with the rain falling outside. The first drop of rain to break the autumn they tried to keep alive. Hyunggu doesn’t see, because he isn’t looking at Shinwon, anyway.

But he does. Hyunggu _does_ see, and his hand is on Shinwon’s cheek in a second.

“What? Gonna miss me?”

“God, I shouldn’t,” Shinwon breathes out shakily. “We barely know each other.”

“But you’re still gonna miss me.”

“I am,” Shinwon admits, “of course I am.”

“Come with me, then.”

Hyunggu’s voice is soft when he says it, like a challenge disguised in a gentle plea. It must count for _something_ , at least, that Hyunggu’s trying to keep their autumn alive. 

But Shinwon still shakes his head no.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?” Hyunggu asks, like he’s not about to cry, and his tone turns somber for all his teasing. “There’s an apartment a few doors down from the one I’m moving into, and it’s not the same as this but it’s really nice and the rent’s only a _little_ more expensive, and I’ve already checked that no one’s been murdered there. It will be perfect, Shinwonie. It will be like I didn’t have to go.”

Shinwon almost laughs at the murder comment, but opts for a soft smile instead, petting Hyunggu’s hair. “I won’t be able to afford that.”

“Then we can split the rent in mine.”

“Are you一” Shinwon sputters out in disbelief. “Are you asking me to move in with you?”

“I don’t care,” Hyunggu’s voice finally cracks a little. “Anything一I just don’t want to lose you.”

_Oh._

Hyunggu wanted to leave autumn, turn it into something more.

“What do you propose we do, then?” Shinwon asks, fighting back the lump in the back of his own throat.

Hyunggu grabs him by the back of his neck and suddenly, he _falls_. Hyunggu’s mouth lands on Shinwon’s, and Hyunggu just falls一deep and graceful through the air like leaves or snow and _of course_ Shinwon catches him, hands cupping his cheek, a steady stream of tears navigating their way past his fingertips. 

The storm doesn’t seem like it wants to stop, but Shinwon doesn’t care. There’s an aching feeling in his chest telling him it doesn’t matter, the changing of the winds and the seasons around them. It doesn’t matter if the lights come back on at this very moment, while Hyunggu only falls deeper and deeper and Shinwon sighs into his mouth because everything is all so dizzying. It doesn’t matter, because autumn always has to end, but _cold_ isn’t the only thing that winter ever will be.

“My life’s not amazing,” Hyunggu says when he pulls away, still only inches from Shinwon’s kiss-swollen lips. “But whenever we talk, you know, I feel like I’m suddenly the most interesting person in the world.”

Shinwon kisses him again, giggling breathily, right as soft thunder rumbles outside. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to tell you the exact same thing?”

Hyunggu grins at that, placing his hand on the back of Shinwon’s palm which still rested on his cheek.

“Maybe you’re right that I don’t know you,” he says, “but I want to. I want to know you, Ko Shinwon.”

 _Past autumn,_ Shinwon supplies in his mind, shaking his head mildly at the thought. 

“I want to know you too, Kang Hyunggu.”

Shinwon kisses him again, gentle like the first snow.

They had stood so long on the brittle, hanging bridge that was autumn, shying away from the seasons to come despite the pull of change. But Shinwon also knows that they had kept it alive through a storm: autumn, a season whose only purpose was to fade away and die. So maybe they _could_ walk past the bridge and brave the cold of winter together until they can see the blooms of spring and the colors of summer. Perhaps, all this time, they hadn’t realized that even though autumn had to end, it would come back around every once in a while without fail. Not to stay, but to usher them safely to its own end一which was, in itself, a new beginning. Autumn would smile even as you leave—because it’s meant to be let go.

It’s the biggest of small victories. Shinwon and Hyunggu will move past the season together, keep it alive and remembered in their kisses and Hyunggu’s candles. And Autumn will let them go gently, wishing them well, hoping that they’ll have the courage to bid it goodbye without having to let go of each other.

**Author's Note:**

> as a person who doesn't actually ever experience autumn in their own country, i'm sorry if this all sounds wrong JDDKHGDJFG i do love autumn though,,, and there _is_ a box of 11 scented candles that my mother and i ordered for christmas that hasn't arrived yet and somehow that detail made it into here
> 
> scream at me in the comments or on twt (@violetholdsme) if u like !! :>


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